On why I don't blog some days...

There is a frail line between open honesty and inflicting whining upon the masses. I tread very close to (and perhaps over) it sometimes.

On the days I don't blog, you can either be grateful or ...

... know that I'm actually busy for once.

Things to do before I die...

A dear friend of mine has a list like this, and she's crossing them off one at a time. Now I'm thinking... what if I had a list and was able to cross things off it too! So, here's to Dreamer.

Things to Do:

- Get paid for my writing. (Check. This I have accomplished. Hehe.)
- Publish a poem (or few).
- Publish a book (or several).
- Have a song recorded by a known artist.
- Get something (even a joke) published in Reader's Digest.

- Hang glide
- Ride a rollercoaster that goes upsidedown.
- Snorkel in a reef or, better yet, scuba dive.
- Camp for a week+ (I'll deign to have a tent if I have to.)
- Go sailing.
- Run several miles without having to be taken in to an emergency room.

- Visit:
- - - Jerusalem
- - - Ireland
- - - England
- - - Italy
- - - Machu Pichu
- - - Sweden
- - - The Grand Canyon

(Does this have to be possible?)
- Live in the mountains.

- Memorize:
- - - James
- - - (more to come)
- Learn to program C++ (and probably other computer languages along the way)
- Take massage therapy classes
- Memorize the names of all the major bones and muscles of the body.
- Learn to ice-skate well enough so I can do a single jump without falling over.
- Learn to dance.

Fear not...

What do I fear?

I fear losing friendships...losing contact with someone I care about...losing the sense of closeness that comes so rarely.

I fear, dread, abhore the thought of failing people when they need me. I want to help, yet...well, I don't seem to help anyone much. It's too bad, really. Sometimes the things I want to do the most are the hardest for me.

I fear loneliness, sorrow, pain and the thought that things might never be better.

I fear the thought of failing to bring my children up in knowledge of the Bible and the fulfillment of a walk with God.

I fear misrepresenting God to them, and to others.

I fear that some of my desires are too important to me, and that I won't give them up even if it's better to accept less.

Why am I posting this? *shrug* Who knows. Sometimes shining a light on something makes it possible to work on the problem.

What do YOU fear the most?

Maxims, Life and the general assumption this means something

I suppose the following has been brewing for a while. I've even attempted to write them out before. Over the years I will add to, consolidate, subtract and otherwise modify these points; however, it's about time I put them someplace where I won't lose them...and where people can tell me what they think. Eventually, they'll come with supporting verses ... if there are any. Those for which I don't find verses will most likely change. *grin* I do this in confidence that very few will ever see them...and if more happen to come along than I expect...well, I'm not ashamed of them.

Behold, the explosive results of hearing the five points of Calvinism explained during Sunday evening service!

...

Ok, so I won't blame Calvin. The poor man has been re-interpreted often enough without me adding my mental clutter to the mess.

So...here goes...

Oh, and I don't even begin to live by these. I simply try to... I hope... sometimes... when I think of it. I wish I did?

1. Even when I'm completely confused, God isn't...and He never will be.
2. When everything is as bad as it can get, God is still in control and He'll always make a way through.
3. When faced with choices, choose first what is right. If there are two rights, choose what will benefit others most. If there is still a decision choose what will benefit myself the least and trust God that it will work out for the best.
4. When others disagree with me it is best to listen first and learn where they are starting from before contradicting or attempting to change their minds. I may learn something.
5. When I'm in the wrong the surest way back to a right path is to admit it, apologize and make amends as best I can.
6. When others won't forgive me I can always turn to God for the forgiveness I need and trust Him to resolve the situation one way or another.
7. When I am wrong and I get what I deserve I should accept the consequences without complaint.
8. When others sin I must first forgive, then pray, then go to them if possible and try to help them.
9. Sometimes what I think is wrong is simply personal preference. Allow others to be different. A cookie-cutter world would be boring.
10. When faced with doctrinal differences I must first ascertain whether this affects the salvation of the one before me. If not, I must then tread carefully. Not all differences of opinion are worth battling over, and some might be worth thinking on if I approach them with an open mind. God is not limited in the way He draws people to Himself.
11. When I am afraid to share God's Word am I thinking of His glory or my own self preservation? There is no excuse to leave opportunity untouched. God can use even my imperfect approach to show His glory.
12. When angry it is best to remain silent until God's way comes to mind, then act on it.
13. The best way to know God's way is to study and memorize God's Word.
14. Do not fear sin in others. Fear sin only in myself.
15. When it comes down to it, I must come to the point when God is more important than anything. Until that happens my life will continue to be shattered. He is faithful not to allow me to be comfortable with anything less than the best for me.

Personality... I think I'm addicted to these...

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

Well, well...it's online!

I read this book years ago, but back then paper and pencil was the way to go. Thanks to K for posting this on her blog where I could find it too! I must say, the gifts part doesn't surprise me.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Words of Affirmation
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Words of Affirmation:		9
Quality Time:		8
Physical Touch:		7
Acts of Service:		6
Receiving Gifts:		0

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

2:30 am and memories

It is strange for me to lie awake so late, my mind busy with memories, refusing to shut down. I'm making myself some chai and settling here to write for a bit in hopes that I'll go to bed soon and rest well.

I suppose when one goes to the doctor and hears the names of frightening diseases tossed about, the thought of mortality and the life one has lived will come to mind. I know I'm not that ill, I keep reminding myself of the fact, but my head won't accept rationality so I've come here to ease my thoughts by bleeding them out into an empty screen.

I don't remember much of my past. Most of it is blurred like a great mountain range beneath a deep fog. Here and there peaks rise up, sharp and rugged against the clear blue of the sky, but the rest is merely implied. I know the shape of what lies below, but it is indistinct, impossible to remember clearly.

Perhaps my first memory is of skipping down the sidewalk at Tambo. I was so young. In the midst of my song I paused for a moment, caught by the words I was singing. Salvation? Heaven? Did I really know I was going there? Mommy said I believed when I was three, but I couldn't remember. Warmed by the sun and mesmerized by the look of the fig tree branches against the dining hall, I turned my mind to my Savior and made sure in my heart that I belonged to Him.

I remember the confidence, the rush of joy that swept over me. I skipped on again, singing even more fervently than before. Though Christ may have drawn me to Him at three and I have reconfirmed many times my need of His perfect payment to cover my sin, when doubts assail me I remember that moment on the sidewalk and rejoice in His grace.

I know there were many days on the hillside, creating fortresses among the thorn bushes and cacti. I know I must have fallen victim to briars and bug bites. These have faded to nothing. But the great toad that sat outside our dorm I remember. He was ugly and huge, the size of a fulbito ball or a pineapple. We poked him to see if he'd jump and when he did, we scattered, screeching.

I remember lying on the couch with my ear in agony, clutching a cooling water bottle to my head. I remember the buildup of pain, and the sudden pop and rush of warm blood. My eardrum had burst, but it was such a relief to feel a mere dull ache. It's wonderful now to know God protected my hearing.

Feverish nights in the clinic... the nurse came in to give me a massage because I ached so badly. I remember how soothing it was. I decided then to learn all I could about it so I could help others in that way. I'm not sure DH is grateful for that decision because I found a book on pressure point therapy in highschool.

It was incredible flying in the small planes. I loved it. Looking down on the patchwork fields, scattered over the mountainsides and valleys, called my soul to worship. I loved the moments when we would drop into air pockets and my heart would leap. I think it would be so much fun to go up in a glider one day or jump off a cliff with wings strapped to my back (with a competant teacher, of course).

And there was hiking to white mountain or down to the river. Swimming in the pools and watching water glisten as it poured over little ledges to splash over the rocks. Bolivian mountain rivers are very rocky. We used to build dams to create pools and try to catch the fish that somehow survived there. There were incredible bushes along the road with drooping leafy fronds that would fan closed if you touched them. Long bell-like flowers we would strip to drink the sweet honey from their base. No wonder the bees loved them.

Ah, and the library... I remember the time when it was my responsibility to dust and clean; having access to the key and going in there when others weren't allowed just to be alone. I loved the dusty smell of the books, the look of sunshine illuminating the golden motes floating in the air. I cried there, sang there, dreamt and read there. It was my oasis in the confusing world of people I loved who I couldn't be sure cared back.

Long nights spent whispering of dreams with my friends. Days of classes and teachers and foolish daydreams.

Ah, my tea is gone and perhaps now I will sleep.

I remember more than I thought I would, and this is only a taste of the memories. I must remember to think of them more often. It wouldn't do to let them fade away.

Identity test

Openness To Experience (9 out of 10 on the curiosity scale)

Your high score in the Openness category means that you probably have a strong creative streak. Your broad intellectual curiosity and your interest in the various arts set you apart. Some people may consider you somewhat of a dreamer, and your taste for variety often means moving quickly on to the next experience. This tendency makes you appear a bit flighty and inconsistent. But these elements of your personality simply reflect a character full of new ideas and charged with emotions.

Conscientiousness (3 out of 10 on the focused scale)

Your low score in the Conscientiousness category means that you are quite "flexible" in your outlook on duty and responsibility. You probably have a casual style, and feel no strong obligation towards behaving according to a strict personal code. Chances are, you're relatively unorganized and easily distracted. You feel no strong ambition towards achieving any standard of success. To your favor, you probably have a spontaneous element that can be quite refreshing. But overall, your irresponsible attitude means that you generally cannot be counted upon.

Extraversion (4.5 out of ten on extraversion)

Your medium score in the Extraversion category defines your social identity. You are probably comfortable in either a crowd or by yourself, and spending time alone or with company is equally enjoyable. When among others, you tend to stand in the foreground, although you may not always wish to take the position of a leader. Instead, you seem to prefer moving between the role of leader and follower, as the situation requires. You probably keep a moderately active social life; you're generally on the lookout for excitement, but certainly don't require it. You tend to keep a fairly positive emotional outlook, and people can usually count on your for some good cheer.

Agreeableness (8.5 out of 10)

The Agreeableness category refers to your social disposition. Your high score indicates your tendency to forego your own desires for the sake of others - sometimes to a fault. You are probably known as a kind and modest person who is willing to overlook your own needs for the interest of the group. You believe in creating harmony among people, to the point where you can sometimes act a bit dependent. With your straightforward style of communication and your sentimental nature, this isn't hard for you. You tend to see the world by the light you cast - as honest and genuine.

Negative Emotionality (4.5 out of 10)

Negative Emotionality refers to your emotional reactivity. Your medium score means that you're someone who negotiates your emotions depending on your situation. Sometimes you may feel quite sensitive and emotional, while other times you may remain resilient to outside pressures. This quality of adaptation best describes your emotional character. You maintain a rational outlook, which is moderated by feelings. For example, you can sometimes feel sad, stressed, worried or embarrassed under the weight of a situation, but you are able to act quite calm and reserved, without yielding to the stress. Responsive, without being overly reactive, is the best way to describe you.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/standard/five_factor.jsp?test=five_factor

Gifts

Spiritual Gifts Test Analysis
The table below contains the Spiritual Gifts listed in the Bible sorted according to how strongly you seem to posess them.
The 'Score' column shows your relative strength in that Spiritual Gift.
The right hand side of the table shows the five Statement numbers from the Spiritual Gifts Test that apply to each Gift and your Response converted to a numeric value: Always = 5, Often = 3, Seldom = 1, and Never = 0.
The sum of your Responses is your Score for that Spiritual Gift.
It would probably be a good idea to Print this page now.
Click on the name of any of the Spiritual Gifts and it will take you to more information on that Spiritual Gift.



Score Spiritual Gift Statement/Response
23 Discernment 016 = 5 038 = 5 060 = 5 082 = 3 104 = 5
23 Knowledge 009 = 3 031 = 5 053 = 5 075 = 5 097 = 5
23 Craftsmanship 019 = 3 041 = 5 063 = 5 085 = 5 107 = 5
20 Pastor 004 = 5 026 = 0 048 = 5 070 = 5 092 = 5
19 Exhortation 007 = 5 029 = 5 051 = 5 073 = 3 095 = 1
15 Wisdom 008 = 3 030 = 5 052 = 1 074 = 3 096 = 3
15 Faith 017 = 1 039 = 1 061 = 5 083 = 3 105 = 5
15 Music 006 = 5 028 = 3 050 = 3 072 = 1 094 = 3
12 Teacher 005 = 5 027 = 1 049 = 5 071 = 1 093 = 0
11 Mercy 015 = 5 037 = 0 059 = 5 081 = 0 103 = 1
11 Giving 014 = 1 036 = 1 058 = 3 080 = 5 102 = 1
11 Hospitality 018 = 1 040 = 1 062 = 5 084 = 1 106 = 3
11 Evangelist 003 = 1 025 = 3 047 = 3 069 = 3 091 = 1
9 Helps 011 = 3 033 = 1 055 = 1 077 = 3 099 = 1
9 Missionary 022 = 3 044 = 0 066 = 5 088 = 0 110 = 1
9 Serving 010 = 1 032 = 1 054 = 1 076 = 1 098 = 5
7 Leadership 012 = 1 034 = 1 056 = 1 078 = 3 100 = 1
6 Intercession 020 = 1 042 = 1 064 = 3 086 = 1 108 = 0
6 Apostle 001 = 1 023 = 1 045 = 3 067 = 1 089 = 0
4 Prophet 002 = 1 024 = 1 046 = 1 068 = 0 090 = 1
3 Administration 013 = 1 035 = 1 057 = 1 079 = 0 101 = 0
1 Healing 021 = 1 043 = 0 065 = 0 087 = 0 109 = 0





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