I wonder how we all seem to be aware that the world is not as it should be. I mean, I would wonder if I didn't already know... but that could be perceived as arrogant, so I'll just wonder for a while.
We're a world full of world-fixers, and while some think fixing the world would be as simple as getting any woman they want, others have broader plans and high hopes for implementing them. "World Peace!" they say on TV and radio. It is written, spoken, implied and illustrated till we laugh as we say it. Yet, it is still our hope as we watch this or that politician ante up with a full portfolio and a plan that could bring unity if only we would agree to follow it. Some world-fixers just ask that there be food, others ask for wealth; some seek contentment, and others power; some seek sameness, and others seek diversity, but we all agree that there's something wrong with the world and that somebody ought to fix it.
I really don't understand how this desire is supposed to have evolved from protoplasm, but we'll leave that curiosity where it stands and move on with fixing the world. One has to try to save the world at least once in life, even if only in theory.
And there we are, all agreeing, but all in disagreement as well. When Christ-followers step into the morass and say, "Faith will set you free!" it's no wonder we're met with rolling eyes or snorts of derision. None of us is more persuasive than the other in a world without absolutes, where every plan to save the world deserves equal consideration.
But there, that becomes rather sticky when someone thinks saving the world means they should have absolute power... then tries to take it! We agree to disagree with people who think we shouldn't disagree with them. But their followers think we're taking the disagreeing thing to far, and really, we'll be glad of having been forced into the great plan for saving the world once we see how much better off the world is. Right? And there are our solutions ... Religion. Government. Philosophy. All have been guilty at one time or another of trying to keelhaul the world into the grand plan. Now, we're suspicious of them all. We're a world of would-be dictators, spiritual leaders, and philosophers without power and we all agree that something should be done.
And so, I am convinced that I cannot persuade anyone that God is real. I am no more nor less opinionated and noisy than all the other millions of opinionated and noisy people out there claiming the opposite. I cannot make anyone seek God. I (alone) have no more nor less power than all the other people out there who have their own opinion of who can save the world, and most of them disagree with me. Besides, they're suspicious of yet another great leader who might take control and destroy the world for his own power. They do not see Him as the great Creator of Love and Justice. They see another opinion in a world of opinions.
But the Bible! Well, it is on paper and parchment, and historically verified as something many have believed for a very long time. But for some alleged authorship by God, and recorded history of belief isn't enough. So what is enough?
What can I do as I face a world of seasoned unbelievers or believers in anything, so long as their own opinion isn't countered. Why speak if I won't be heard? Why ... if it won't save the world?
And yet, we all know there is something better.
I know who that something better is.
I know who will and has saved the world.
I know.
But I don't know because I just decided to believe or because I was brainwashed or because I refuse to face all those other people who know things that seem equally valid to them.
I know because He is a real person who has a real relationship with me, and not only with me but with millions of others. I know because He knows, not because I do.
Whose Spirit reassures me? Whose strength upholds me? Who is wise where I would be foolish? Who is brave where I would hide? Who forces me to face my flaws, then changes them and erases them and uses the process to give me a purpose in encouraging others? Who calls to me in my sleep and guides me in His Word and grows me in spite of my selfishness?
They, the vague mass of those who have not yet listened to the voice of the One of whom I speak, do not believe me.
And so I am faced with the hard choice of talking to an invisible Friend and obeying an invisible King and listening to an inaudible Voice and reading a book written by an all too real group of men that listened and obeyed and talked to this same One. It is no wonder that I am faced with a shrug and a laugh. After all, like everyone else, I have the right to believe what I choose. Right?
Oh, God. I'm so glad it's not up to me to be persuasive enough to be followed over all the other directions cluttering our minds. I'm so glad it's not my job to be more real than everything else. I'm glad it's not I who has to be better than any other idea.
You are the One, the Christ, the Son of God. You are the Voice that calls softly, the Idea that inspires, the Word that changes perspective, the Life that counters death, the Hope that vanquishes hopelessness, the Judge who offers Mercy, the Merciful One who offers Grace by your own payment of our debt for all that's wrong with the world.
I only ask that You help me perceive those who are seeking the One who calls them, and that You will help me to live out a testimony of a relationship with You so they will see what can be and listen as I tell them what You have done for us all, and for me, and for them.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
A Miser of Talent and Grace
Tonight part of our women's Bible study focused on the blessings God gives us so we can bless His church. We spoke about how even the tragedies and trials can become a gift when we use what God taught us through pain to encourage others. And I thought of the parable of the talents...
Those men who, with their bounty, went forth to make fortunes for their master lived upon the gift they had been given. It was not merely enough to survive on, but to encourage trade and bring in an enormous profit for their master. This was no dry investment, they employed their talents and abilities and found great joy in the process.
Yet I find myself more like the third man, hoarding my small talents to myself, burying them in the dark and hoping they won't be stolen. It's easier to invest the big talents sometimes, yet this man profited nothing and failed his master because he never tried.
So, what talents do I hoard and hide? I often explain to people that I am not a person of ritual and order. When something is always done a certain way, I often do it differently just to see what will happen. Yet, schedule and keeping time are important talents, and when God dosed them out to the world, He saw fit to give me only a tiny dollop.
I just realized, tonight, that I'm doing the deep hole thing with this small amount of scheduling ability God gave me. It's not growing because I rarely use it. It's not turning into a great tree of order because God intended it to grow slowly over time. It is not growing because I haven't planted it; I've hidden it and just decided that God must have a use for me even if I'm out of order. He does. He wants me to invest the obvious talents too, after all. But I didn't really realize that I'm not off the hook even if I have barely enough of some good gift to survive on.
My little talent may only grow into enough to bless my family, but it will still be more than I have now.
Did you know that God meant the fruits of the Spirit to grow? I mean, not just suddenly pop out into fruit, but grow! And, oh, yeah, we're supposed to be like the seeds planted in the ground and die to ourselves first so the fruit that grows will be His, not ours. And when we plant our little seed of pain, joy, suffering, love, accomplishment, talent, expectation; and water it by submerging ourselves in His promises by faith, THEN it grows. And it's not us who grow it, but the Holy Spirit, and that is by the water of Life which is Christ! And, just to make sure you're as amazed by all this as I am...
If we bury our talent, and say it's too small, then we plant ourselves over that talent and tell God His grace isn't big enough to multiply His too-small gift, and that we'd appreciate it if He'd just start us off with something full grown for once. Then, perhaps, we might prevent the very bounty He longs to give us?
This is by no means a complete thought. What do you think about profit as we invest for God's glory? Do you think He planned it that way? Do you think we're meant to rejoice in the bounty as we invest His gifts? What are you hoarding away from Him, thinking it too small to increase? What talent do you think is easiest to invest? Which is hardest? Why? And what does your answer say about your perception of God's capabilities?
Those men who, with their bounty, went forth to make fortunes for their master lived upon the gift they had been given. It was not merely enough to survive on, but to encourage trade and bring in an enormous profit for their master. This was no dry investment, they employed their talents and abilities and found great joy in the process.
Yet I find myself more like the third man, hoarding my small talents to myself, burying them in the dark and hoping they won't be stolen. It's easier to invest the big talents sometimes, yet this man profited nothing and failed his master because he never tried.
So, what talents do I hoard and hide? I often explain to people that I am not a person of ritual and order. When something is always done a certain way, I often do it differently just to see what will happen. Yet, schedule and keeping time are important talents, and when God dosed them out to the world, He saw fit to give me only a tiny dollop.
I just realized, tonight, that I'm doing the deep hole thing with this small amount of scheduling ability God gave me. It's not growing because I rarely use it. It's not turning into a great tree of order because God intended it to grow slowly over time. It is not growing because I haven't planted it; I've hidden it and just decided that God must have a use for me even if I'm out of order. He does. He wants me to invest the obvious talents too, after all. But I didn't really realize that I'm not off the hook even if I have barely enough of some good gift to survive on.
My little talent may only grow into enough to bless my family, but it will still be more than I have now.
Did you know that God meant the fruits of the Spirit to grow? I mean, not just suddenly pop out into fruit, but grow! And, oh, yeah, we're supposed to be like the seeds planted in the ground and die to ourselves first so the fruit that grows will be His, not ours. And when we plant our little seed of pain, joy, suffering, love, accomplishment, talent, expectation; and water it by submerging ourselves in His promises by faith, THEN it grows. And it's not us who grow it, but the Holy Spirit, and that is by the water of Life which is Christ! And, just to make sure you're as amazed by all this as I am...
If we bury our talent, and say it's too small, then we plant ourselves over that talent and tell God His grace isn't big enough to multiply His too-small gift, and that we'd appreciate it if He'd just start us off with something full grown for once. Then, perhaps, we might prevent the very bounty He longs to give us?
This is by no means a complete thought. What do you think about profit as we invest for God's glory? Do you think He planned it that way? Do you think we're meant to rejoice in the bounty as we invest His gifts? What are you hoarding away from Him, thinking it too small to increase? What talent do you think is easiest to invest? Which is hardest? Why? And what does your answer say about your perception of God's capabilities?
Monday, February 18, 2008
Nothing Can Threaten God
Not evolution, for God could create the world that way if He wished.
Not a literal six day vocabulary induced extravaganza, for God could create that way if He wished.
Not a book scraping together rumor and vanity from the past hoping to make Christ just a good human, for He is God whether we believe Him or not.
Not a man or mankind saying He isn't real, for His reality exists without our affirmation.
Not a book trying to prove that He could be killed, for God is far above our concept of death, and proved it when He came to us and returned from the death we inflicted on Him.
Not aliens, for if they exist, God created them.
Not demons, for they tremble in His presence.
Not our pride, for all will bow before Him because we won't be able to help it.
Not our wisdom, for it is finite and temporal.
Neither bitter ranting, nor angry attack of those who don't see Him our way, nor profession of absolute claim of His blessing, nor defining Him into a smaller character can change or threaten Him.
He is God. He is beyond all, above all, over all. He is the anchor of life.
Without Him, even our presumption and lies would have no foundation, for we can only distort what He made straight.
No matter that we cannot comprehend Him, He has revealed enough of Himself that we can be sure He is there.
No matter that we cannot define Him, He has shown how He relates to us through life-story and history.
I am convinced that when we see Him, we will be silenced and awed by His presence. No one will doubt His existance, though some may still reject His rule.
God is unassailable.
Not a literal six day vocabulary induced extravaganza, for God could create that way if He wished.
Not a book scraping together rumor and vanity from the past hoping to make Christ just a good human, for He is God whether we believe Him or not.
Not a man or mankind saying He isn't real, for His reality exists without our affirmation.
Not a book trying to prove that He could be killed, for God is far above our concept of death, and proved it when He came to us and returned from the death we inflicted on Him.
Not aliens, for if they exist, God created them.
Not demons, for they tremble in His presence.
Not our pride, for all will bow before Him because we won't be able to help it.
Not our wisdom, for it is finite and temporal.
Neither bitter ranting, nor angry attack of those who don't see Him our way, nor profession of absolute claim of His blessing, nor defining Him into a smaller character can change or threaten Him.
He is God. He is beyond all, above all, over all. He is the anchor of life.
Without Him, even our presumption and lies would have no foundation, for we can only distort what He made straight.
No matter that we cannot comprehend Him, He has revealed enough of Himself that we can be sure He is there.
No matter that we cannot define Him, He has shown how He relates to us through life-story and history.
I am convinced that when we see Him, we will be silenced and awed by His presence. No one will doubt His existance, though some may still reject His rule.
God is unassailable.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Further up and further in
How I long to leave myself further and further behind, till I can no longer leap up between truth and what must be done, or obscure right action with my self glory. And if I can't run fast enough away, perhaps I can fly. For God promises to carry me away into truth and wisdom where I find I cannot go due to always stepping in with myself somehow, then finding that, with self, stepping inside just means walking through a door to nowhere. Only when I do not step through with myself is there anything to find.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Connections, Categories, and Relationship
I recently re-read "The Five Love Languages" before loaning it to my neighbor and was captivated again by the categories of love delineated in the book. Labels are a good thing, in my opinion. If everything is bunched together into a great mass of ideas, it's easy to ignore the points missed. Labels prevent this, if only by distinguishing types of ideas one from the other.
Now, visit Gmail with me for a moment. Don't worry, this is connected. I don't like files. Usually any item I file ought to be in more than one folder, and I can rarely decide which I'd remember more easily. This is why I love gmail. They don't file the email, they label it and search for the label. I can have one email that will show up if I click on "parents," "brother," and "immediate action." This is what categories do for me. I do not have boxes in my brain, far from it. (It's a miracle I remember anything!) But everyone that passes through my life receives labels.
"Young and impressionable" "Lonely" "Needs a friend" "Confident" "Strong" "Genuine" "Caring" Can you label me based on the labels that jump to my mind? It's likely you already have. Every word, every action, every tone, every impression filters into the mind of those around us as a label. Some are bright, bold colors. These are the labels categorized as important to the viewer. They may mean nothing to anyone else, but life and choices have made these labels stand out to the point where the impression may never go away. Some are faded and easily forgotten. These are the things that are unimportant to the viewer, whether or not the rest of the world considers them essential.
And now, the way this thinking has filtered through my life.
I've been thinking about the friends of my youth and the ways I thought of them when we lived in close proximity. They still shine in my memory as wonderful people. I know they weren't always kind to me, but they were each so special and wonderful that it doesn't really matter. They are the treasures of my past, and I rejoice each time I get the chance to interact with them and find out more of what they are today.
I remember, also, the labels I applied to myself in reference to my relationships with them. "Third-best friend" "Tag-along" "Admirer" I longed to be able to apply to myself the label of "Best Friend" or "Needed." Even now, my view of the world is colored by a certainity that I am unnecessary. I know, mentally, that this isn't true since God created me for His purposes and gave me a place and a talent to invest in service for Him. Yet, I find myself protecting my children from the labels I applied to myself all those years ago,... and, just maybe, teaching them to think on those labels instead of the truth? Scary thought...
Yet, I don't want them to live in a bubble of prideful lies either. I want them to see the labels that are applied to them by those around them and use them as part of the mirror God has created in relationship to illuminate flaws, faults, and sin and also to encourage, lift up, and glorify God. The thing is, I don't have this mirror thing figured out yet.
Recently, I was told that I must be one of those energetic choleric people. I nearly fell off my chair! Just because, on Sunday, I'm often the one who helps set up coffee for our class? Wow! This shook my mirror to pieces. I always thought people saw me as rather shy and perhaps stuck up. I've forced myself to go talk to people instead of always waiting and hoping someone will strike up a conversation. I know how terrified this makes me, but does everyone else? Maybe I'm just as deceived by the social discipline of those I admire for their grace and poise? I don't know.
What I do know, is that it's easier to befriend a lonely, hurting person than a confident, happy one, but so few people seem to be hurting. Or, at least, they seem to have sufficient structures of friends if they do hurt, and I'd just be another demand on their time if I tried to befriend them too. Do these people stand in their own worlds, looking out, and thinking they need a friend? I can't tell.
My observations are limited by my experiences, which have been both terrible to go through, and nearly nothing in the face of what could have been. My outreach is limited by who I am, and doesn't fit my ideals of what friendship and outreach should be by a long shot. The person I am admires the person I wish to be from afar and wonders what God is going to do with "this."
And so, I finish with my conclusion and a question.
I've concluded that it's best just to love even if it's annoying to the person I think I'm loving. I usually try to clearly outline the exit sign so they don't think they have to suffer my attention if they don't want it and watch carefully to see what reaches them and what merely slides off or annoys. I tell myself they can label me as they wish, but that I still choose to hold them in esteem. It seems to work. So far, I've accumulated ten times the amount of friends I had in my lonely, "just wait for them to tell me how to love them or maybe they'll just love me so I don't have to figure it out" years. (Not as though I feel adequate even now, but one can't ignore people who say, "Stop second-guessing! I appreciate you! Live with it!" Though I do have to hand the credit over to God, as I'm trying to do it His way. My way is terribly ineffective.)
And now, the question...s.
How DO "normal" people figure out friendship? How do you know you are wanted and not merely tolerated? How do you reach out to someone when you're not sure what registers to them as love? What category of people are you especially drawn to? Why?
Now, visit Gmail with me for a moment. Don't worry, this is connected. I don't like files. Usually any item I file ought to be in more than one folder, and I can rarely decide which I'd remember more easily. This is why I love gmail. They don't file the email, they label it and search for the label. I can have one email that will show up if I click on "parents," "brother," and "immediate action." This is what categories do for me. I do not have boxes in my brain, far from it. (It's a miracle I remember anything!) But everyone that passes through my life receives labels.
"Young and impressionable" "Lonely" "Needs a friend" "Confident" "Strong" "Genuine" "Caring" Can you label me based on the labels that jump to my mind? It's likely you already have. Every word, every action, every tone, every impression filters into the mind of those around us as a label. Some are bright, bold colors. These are the labels categorized as important to the viewer. They may mean nothing to anyone else, but life and choices have made these labels stand out to the point where the impression may never go away. Some are faded and easily forgotten. These are the things that are unimportant to the viewer, whether or not the rest of the world considers them essential.
And now, the way this thinking has filtered through my life.
I've been thinking about the friends of my youth and the ways I thought of them when we lived in close proximity. They still shine in my memory as wonderful people. I know they weren't always kind to me, but they were each so special and wonderful that it doesn't really matter. They are the treasures of my past, and I rejoice each time I get the chance to interact with them and find out more of what they are today.
I remember, also, the labels I applied to myself in reference to my relationships with them. "Third-best friend" "Tag-along" "Admirer" I longed to be able to apply to myself the label of "Best Friend" or "Needed." Even now, my view of the world is colored by a certainity that I am unnecessary. I know, mentally, that this isn't true since God created me for His purposes and gave me a place and a talent to invest in service for Him. Yet, I find myself protecting my children from the labels I applied to myself all those years ago,... and, just maybe, teaching them to think on those labels instead of the truth? Scary thought...
Yet, I don't want them to live in a bubble of prideful lies either. I want them to see the labels that are applied to them by those around them and use them as part of the mirror God has created in relationship to illuminate flaws, faults, and sin and also to encourage, lift up, and glorify God. The thing is, I don't have this mirror thing figured out yet.
Recently, I was told that I must be one of those energetic choleric people. I nearly fell off my chair! Just because, on Sunday, I'm often the one who helps set up coffee for our class? Wow! This shook my mirror to pieces. I always thought people saw me as rather shy and perhaps stuck up. I've forced myself to go talk to people instead of always waiting and hoping someone will strike up a conversation. I know how terrified this makes me, but does everyone else? Maybe I'm just as deceived by the social discipline of those I admire for their grace and poise? I don't know.
What I do know, is that it's easier to befriend a lonely, hurting person than a confident, happy one, but so few people seem to be hurting. Or, at least, they seem to have sufficient structures of friends if they do hurt, and I'd just be another demand on their time if I tried to befriend them too. Do these people stand in their own worlds, looking out, and thinking they need a friend? I can't tell.
My observations are limited by my experiences, which have been both terrible to go through, and nearly nothing in the face of what could have been. My outreach is limited by who I am, and doesn't fit my ideals of what friendship and outreach should be by a long shot. The person I am admires the person I wish to be from afar and wonders what God is going to do with "this."
And so, I finish with my conclusion and a question.
I've concluded that it's best just to love even if it's annoying to the person I think I'm loving. I usually try to clearly outline the exit sign so they don't think they have to suffer my attention if they don't want it and watch carefully to see what reaches them and what merely slides off or annoys. I tell myself they can label me as they wish, but that I still choose to hold them in esteem. It seems to work. So far, I've accumulated ten times the amount of friends I had in my lonely, "just wait for them to tell me how to love them or maybe they'll just love me so I don't have to figure it out" years. (Not as though I feel adequate even now, but one can't ignore people who say, "Stop second-guessing! I appreciate you! Live with it!" Though I do have to hand the credit over to God, as I'm trying to do it His way. My way is terribly ineffective.)
And now, the question...s.
How DO "normal" people figure out friendship? How do you know you are wanted and not merely tolerated? How do you reach out to someone when you're not sure what registers to them as love? What category of people are you especially drawn to? Why?
Friday, February 08, 2008
Run away! I'm talking HOUSE!
Yes, we're buying a house, two miles from where we're renting, same town, same area code, and if you want the address ask me. For a photo walk-through with commentary, visit my facebook account, oh ye priviledged ones (the rest of you will just have to suffer or beg me for the contact info).
We don't close till the 29th of Feb., and there's always the possibility of "something" going wrong. But, really, the chances are slim that it will fall through, so if it does I'll know it's because it's just not meant to be. An assessor has to come through and make sure the house is valued what the current owners say it is for our loan to come through, but we're assuming that if it's valued lower, they'll just bring down the price, knowing that other people probably won't pay more considering the broad assortment of competing housing around here. We feel it's a good price already, and we bought with the idea of being able to pay the loan even without David's commissions.
We'll have to replace the roof within the first few years, and the owners are having an electrician check the electricity to make sure it's up to code (there was a handiman in the house, I guess). A couple gas leaks will be dealt with, and they are having someone in to clean the furnace and fix a gas leak there too. We know we're buying a fixer-upper, but most of the items are rather superficial. The foundation is good, the house is well built, and there is plenty of room for everything we wanted in a house, plus a little more. We're aware that furnaces and water-heaters can die, that roofs go bad, that mice sneak in when you're not looking, and many of the other warnings people always produce when you say you're buying your first house. Don't worry, we've done our best to get wiser people than us to check everything and give advice. Although, you can always give me more at the end of this post.
So... details... It's got four bedrooms. The downstairs room will be the den, however, at least till the girls are older. The downstairs bathroom is solid white tile from tiny 1" squares on the floor through the 3" square tiles on the ceiling. It will be a project one day! Upstairs, there's a tiny 1/2 bath. There is a common room on the second floor to which the doors of the bedrooms open. This will be the homeschool room. The basement can be finished, and has a walk-out door. The house is on a hill, so it's literally a walk-out, not up. It's got a nice yard for playing, fenced on two sides, and with a loose wire fence through a mishmash of bushes on the third, which I assume will be pretty impenetrable come summer.
We'll have the apartment for another month after purchase, so we'll take the time to clean, paint, and renovate a bit before moving in. Note that the timing of the following will stretch through the rest of the year or further. Paint happens right away, along with my kitchen counter and kitchen floors, beyond that it's a bit up in the air depending on how much David's commission will be in a couple months and how quickly we can finish the floors on the entire downstairs.
We're going to paint the kitchen cabinets fire-engine red (or some variation thereof). I've loved red cabinets ever since I saw an ultra-modern set of that color in a show-room. Of course, this won't be ultra-modern, which is much better anyway, since I'm not a very modern person. It will look very cool! And, as the counters now have gold starred laminate, I get new counters. (I was just going to live with them, but they offend David's eyes.) So we're going with a dark slate-like laminate and maybe a red sink. We're also going to re-floor the entire downstairs in some durable cherry-wood (? still discussing the color) laminate. (I don't like cleaning, so we want the house to survive me.) I'm just looking forward to getting to sweep instead of having to vacuum... which I despise due to the noise and having to lug a machine around with me. I grew up sweeping, and it's good enough for me. Come to think of it, I can get an industrial dust-mop! Hehehe.
In the living room we're making a library, as in a massive 10 foot windowseat in the front window with shelves below, a second windowseat just around the corner, and walls of shelving up to the ceiling all trimmed in on three walls. We found cheap plans online for what we like. We'll do fibreboard along with the smaller shelf lengths it enforces, and paint out the whole in white. The background wall will be a contrasting color. I'm going to buy wood games (to replace our current collection of cardboard) and use them as display items on the shelves when we're not playing them.(Decorative AND useful!)
David wants to tear out the wood panel walls in the front entry and put something paintable in. He wants to call it my art studio and is "offended" by the idea of a "craft room" I'll humor him and make crafts in my art studio,... *grin* though I fully intend to set up an easel so I can gradually work on a real painting... finally!
The dining room is going to be a richer, deeper red than the kitchen cabinets. I'm looking forward to seeing the result. The dark red with white trim will be striking. We're going with an elegant cafe look, though I still need to figure out how to decorate to make it feel elegant, rather than cave-like.
The den, otherwise known as the "media room," is going to be more masculine, with sketches of 1920-30 cars. We'll either have a pull-out couch and an inflatable mattress for guests or we'll come up with some solution I haven't thought of yet (what are those beds that fold into the wall called?). This means I can invite family and friends to visit and know they'll actually have a room to stay in! So exciting!
Upstairs we're pretty much just painting (according to the colors chosen by the room occupants). I'll probably put a curtain between the girl's spaces right away, but the rest of the fun stuff they want will wait till next year, most likely. I'll be customizing the closets, etc, but that's because I can't stand inefficient storage, and that's a sanity issue.
David made me promise to wait on the back entry coat-closet and shelves till after the house is painted and we're moved in... *sigh* I guess I can wait... hehe. *bounces off walls*
We don't close till the 29th of Feb., and there's always the possibility of "something" going wrong. But, really, the chances are slim that it will fall through, so if it does I'll know it's because it's just not meant to be. An assessor has to come through and make sure the house is valued what the current owners say it is for our loan to come through, but we're assuming that if it's valued lower, they'll just bring down the price, knowing that other people probably won't pay more considering the broad assortment of competing housing around here. We feel it's a good price already, and we bought with the idea of being able to pay the loan even without David's commissions.
We'll have to replace the roof within the first few years, and the owners are having an electrician check the electricity to make sure it's up to code (there was a handiman in the house, I guess). A couple gas leaks will be dealt with, and they are having someone in to clean the furnace and fix a gas leak there too. We know we're buying a fixer-upper, but most of the items are rather superficial. The foundation is good, the house is well built, and there is plenty of room for everything we wanted in a house, plus a little more. We're aware that furnaces and water-heaters can die, that roofs go bad, that mice sneak in when you're not looking, and many of the other warnings people always produce when you say you're buying your first house. Don't worry, we've done our best to get wiser people than us to check everything and give advice. Although, you can always give me more at the end of this post.
So... details... It's got four bedrooms. The downstairs room will be the den, however, at least till the girls are older. The downstairs bathroom is solid white tile from tiny 1" squares on the floor through the 3" square tiles on the ceiling. It will be a project one day! Upstairs, there's a tiny 1/2 bath. There is a common room on the second floor to which the doors of the bedrooms open. This will be the homeschool room. The basement can be finished, and has a walk-out door. The house is on a hill, so it's literally a walk-out, not up. It's got a nice yard for playing, fenced on two sides, and with a loose wire fence through a mishmash of bushes on the third, which I assume will be pretty impenetrable come summer.
We'll have the apartment for another month after purchase, so we'll take the time to clean, paint, and renovate a bit before moving in. Note that the timing of the following will stretch through the rest of the year or further. Paint happens right away, along with my kitchen counter and kitchen floors, beyond that it's a bit up in the air depending on how much David's commission will be in a couple months and how quickly we can finish the floors on the entire downstairs.
We're going to paint the kitchen cabinets fire-engine red (or some variation thereof). I've loved red cabinets ever since I saw an ultra-modern set of that color in a show-room. Of course, this won't be ultra-modern, which is much better anyway, since I'm not a very modern person. It will look very cool! And, as the counters now have gold starred laminate, I get new counters. (I was just going to live with them, but they offend David's eyes.) So we're going with a dark slate-like laminate and maybe a red sink. We're also going to re-floor the entire downstairs in some durable cherry-wood (? still discussing the color) laminate. (I don't like cleaning, so we want the house to survive me.) I'm just looking forward to getting to sweep instead of having to vacuum... which I despise due to the noise and having to lug a machine around with me. I grew up sweeping, and it's good enough for me. Come to think of it, I can get an industrial dust-mop! Hehehe.
In the living room we're making a library, as in a massive 10 foot windowseat in the front window with shelves below, a second windowseat just around the corner, and walls of shelving up to the ceiling all trimmed in on three walls. We found cheap plans online for what we like. We'll do fibreboard along with the smaller shelf lengths it enforces, and paint out the whole in white. The background wall will be a contrasting color. I'm going to buy wood games (to replace our current collection of cardboard) and use them as display items on the shelves when we're not playing them.(Decorative AND useful!)
David wants to tear out the wood panel walls in the front entry and put something paintable in. He wants to call it my art studio and is "offended" by the idea of a "craft room" I'll humor him and make crafts in my art studio,... *grin* though I fully intend to set up an easel so I can gradually work on a real painting... finally!
The dining room is going to be a richer, deeper red than the kitchen cabinets. I'm looking forward to seeing the result. The dark red with white trim will be striking. We're going with an elegant cafe look, though I still need to figure out how to decorate to make it feel elegant, rather than cave-like.
The den, otherwise known as the "media room," is going to be more masculine, with sketches of 1920-30 cars. We'll either have a pull-out couch and an inflatable mattress for guests or we'll come up with some solution I haven't thought of yet (what are those beds that fold into the wall called?). This means I can invite family and friends to visit and know they'll actually have a room to stay in! So exciting!
Upstairs we're pretty much just painting (according to the colors chosen by the room occupants). I'll probably put a curtain between the girl's spaces right away, but the rest of the fun stuff they want will wait till next year, most likely. I'll be customizing the closets, etc, but that's because I can't stand inefficient storage, and that's a sanity issue.
David made me promise to wait on the back entry coat-closet and shelves till after the house is painted and we're moved in... *sigh* I guess I can wait... hehe. *bounces off walls*
Friday, February 01, 2008
I was patient for a moment just yesterday
I was patient for a moment today too.
But when it comes down to patience any other way,... well, those moments pass so fast and are so few. If it's based upon not letting out my anger, or perhaps on simply giving it some time then my patience is not growing so much faster than my ability to pretend that all is fine.
And still I seek forgiveness for my motives, even as I seek forgiveness for my moods. And one day when I'm patient I'm convinced I'll never know because impatience is sourced deeply in my prideful, selfish soul. So, one day when I am patient I'll be humble, and I'll forgive more quickly than I'm wronged. Until then, I'll just have to count on Jesus and His humble, patient ways to draw me on.
But when it comes down to patience any other way,... well, those moments pass so fast and are so few. If it's based upon not letting out my anger, or perhaps on simply giving it some time then my patience is not growing so much faster than my ability to pretend that all is fine.
And still I seek forgiveness for my motives, even as I seek forgiveness for my moods. And one day when I'm patient I'm convinced I'll never know because impatience is sourced deeply in my prideful, selfish soul. So, one day when I am patient I'll be humble, and I'll forgive more quickly than I'm wronged. Until then, I'll just have to count on Jesus and His humble, patient ways to draw me on.
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