The new things we learn whilst explaining...

Fiorinda's response below prompted me to respond to her, only I discovered that I'd been thinking... well, not thinking? Anyhow, here is an edited summary of what I learned from her question.

I think the only answer is that we do not grow from avoiding the challenges offered, but through trying, failing, and learning from our mistakes. I heard someplace that the people who are the best at anything become the best through practice, and that most of them started out bad at what they chose to do. They simply stuck with it and learned new techniques until everyone noticed how well they were doing... thousands of hours practicing.

IMO, it's not so bad for our kids to see us trying, failing, and trying again. It is a quality they will have to develop also. If at first you always succeed, then what's the use of trying again? I think what is hardest is when those around us give up FOR us. Then we feel pressured not to try harder, learn from our mistakes, and try again.

Truth be told, I'm not convinced my kids are actually harmed by my failures. Not permanently. If it were so, I'm sorry, but no one who had poor teaching early in life would ever overcome their situation. History has proven otherwise. Yes, it's a cop-out to rely on this for backup. I'm completely aware of my responsibility and my failure (thus the previous post). But... I am NOT the only factor here.

The fact is, my kids are curious. They know how to think. They know how to consider a problem and figure out a solution. They ARE learning to read, even if my methods do slow the process considerably. Once they know how to read, the main block to their progress is removed.

I am teaching them truths they won't get in school, like honor the Lord your God, even when you think you might get away with it. In a Christian school they will teach this, perhaps, but it remains true that a teacher with multiple students known for a year or two hasn't the same input as parents to whom the faults and natural tendencies of their children are already well known.

My children have other mentors as well. Their Sunday school teachers, grandparents, AWANA leaders, and several church family members who have taken particular interest in them.

Right now, two of my children are easily led by others. I've seen them misbehave in ways they would not at home just because the friend next to them in Sunday school is doing so. Five days a week of this sort of following would not be good for them. Until they can hold their own in Sunday school, I don't want to push them out into a longer-term situation.

So... while it is bad that my sins and slow learning are adversely affecting my children, there are negatives that will affect them on the other side, whether I go out and work to pay for someone else to teach my children their own perspective of life or do my best to teach them biblically myself.

BUT...

If it is right to send them to school, I'd better be open to the idea. I can't say, "I will not!" because if God leads that direction I'd better be ready to go. And sometimes, God's leading becomes apparent through my husband's decisions. He hasn't decided yet. We shall see what happens. I hope this is just one of those things I need to come to the point of releasing because I've been too prideful about it, rather than something God actually wants me to give up. I'd really like to grow in self-control through home school challenges rather than in the workplace.